Look hard to find the ‘gem’
Q: My child is of average intelligence. In school he gets average results in his examinations and is struggling with his studies. I am not sure whether studying is for him. I want to do something for him now that can make him be happier and successful in his later years. I do not know what else he can do.
What advice do you have?
A: Look at the many people who appear disadvantaged on the surface but rose to the occasion and eventually become all-time greats. Two of such people who really impress me include Stevie Wonder and the late Ray Charles. Despite their blindness, they have become legends of the highest order.
The lesson is there is always something very special in people. If you are determined to find out, there is definitely a gem hidden somewhere in him!
For a start, you need to be very curious and committed in wanting your child to shine in an area he is passionate about. Then focus on finding it: watch his behaviours, habits, interests and even his words. They are your little clues to find something big in him that can be further developed, and leveraged upon for it to grow eventually into bigger things.
- What do you notice in his behaviours and actions?
- What are his inclinations?
- What insights do all these give you about his special quality?
- How can you leverage on it now?
Never too late for a makeover
Q: Since losing my husband three years ago, so many unpleasant things have happened to me. It is less about dealing with my finances but more with my emotional state. I am still very depressed and it is affecting my relationship with others in my private and professional life. I am stepping on too many people’s toes and they are very sore with me.
I realise I cannot afford to continue making things worse because it will only aggravate my misery I am already in. I really want to change this.
Can I ever succeed, since my issues with people and my own life seem too deep for any positive change to happen?
A: I cannot see why a change is not possible when you already have this intent. To me, this is not only a starting point but half the battle has already been won! Now it is time to make it a reality!
The first thing is to set your sights on what exactly you want to happen to your life. Then check to find out where the gaps are in this desired life you want.
Prioritise them in terms of urgency to deal with them. If it is the relationships you want to work on, set a relationship goal around the people you want to get closer with. If it is your career, reflect on the career you want. Do the same for the others.
Then keep thinking of all the possibilities of getting there till you are satisfied with it.
- What is the ideal life you want?
- What are the areas in it?
- What is the one step you can take to get closer to it?
- How can you stay committed and strong till you are satisfied with the final results?
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